TORONTO – This Friday, Beer Team Canada bids a fond farewell to its most lauded training facilities forever

In its hayday, the BTC Dojo was home to some of the finest recorded training sessions and special events in recent BTC history. Records were set, and broken on the outdoor beersports training ground. It was here that the Team assembled to tackle the 950ml Shotgun during the Winter Summit of 2005. Many of the photos from that year’s Summit donned BTC’s Oktoberfest 2006 cards, if you’re lucky enough to have one.

Probably closer to my heart personally, the Dojo was a place of accomplishments and firsts. It’s where I shotgunned my very first beercan. It’s where I cut a 90 second Stein Chug down to 13. The Dojo essentially acted as the defacto training ground for pre BTC Games training. And of course, it was a summer of sun and excess at the Stein Chug mecca that I’ll remember best.

The Dojo is where Hambone and I began a quest. Training on Stein Chugging is not a task for the faint of heart. The Dojo was the setting. And the result was Hambone’s impressive table-top Stein Chug that opened the 2006 Oktoberfest.

This Friday, Toronto Corps will close out proceedings at BTC’s storied training grounds. If we’re able to walk, we’ll carry our training apparatus to its new home in The Stations of the Plank. Good memories at the Dojo.

Paulaner
#666

Devo capped a remarkable debut with this fantastic 9 second 950ml shotgun. This feat was especially impressive after Devo lived up to the Hamilton tradition of tirelessly challenging the BTCG particpants to street-style shotguns. Devo learned quickly – recovering from his early over-enthusiasm and picking up exceptional shotgunning technique. It’s something we’re sure he’ll bring back with him to New Lisgard, ON where he’ll surely school some hydro linemen and sasquatch hunters on the ways of the great Canadian deep woodsman.

Excitement surrounds the BTC Games this year as new recruits are emerging in family packs. It seems almost certain that some kind of family challenge will emerge pitting groups of Whishaks and Charrons against the brothers Hamilton. And with swelling numbers, the challenge to hoist the Harcourt Cup becomes even more arduous. The likelihood of a championship seems a much more daunting task. All signs point to the 2007 BTC Games providing for more excitement and thrills than ever!

As for the competition itself, the 2007 BTC Games will feature the same line-up of 10 events as in 2006:

• Terrain Chug Challenge
• Dock Grappling
• Cap Flicking
• Pint Slam
• Stein Chug
• Shotgun
• Canada Cups
• Drunken Euchre
• Gitch Pitch
• Drunken RPS

The games are fine-tuned each year and minor changes are made to the BTC Games Official Rulebook. So bone up on the technicalities and get yourselves ready, BTC for another edition of the annual beer sports classic.

Dano’s deep french Canadian heritage surely helped in the healing process as his daily intake was increased to 3 portions of poutine through his bone-mending phase. Now that his arm is good to go it’s time for rehab. And in Acadia… that means tourtierre. Dano recently made a trip to summon the healing powers of his birthground as documented in “The Chronicles of Sarnia.” There’s powerful magic there. That’s what Dano told reporters. I believe him. His arm is fixed. All he has to do is wear a wrist guard, an elbow guard, and for some inexplicable reason, a helmet with his name on it!?

Here’s a cut-take of the boys working hard for your dollars. CD’s are onsale now through the boys of BTC:

Sound like brilliance to you?
Well, there’s a whole 4.5 minutes of genious awaiting BTC devotees. And beyond that, there’s a kick-pants after-race party afterwards. All you need to get in is a copy of that lucsious CD. You can buy one at : www.bachmanturnercannonball.info. Beer Team Canada suggests that you do so. Put your dollars behind average joes for a change… and party with them afterwards. Pretty good deal for $20.

In September 2006 Beer Team Canada once again donned the red, white and black and embarked on a pilgrimage to the world’s biggest party. To Munich they traveled for the 2006 Oktoberfest.

The trip started out on a bit of a somber note as the team learned that one of our number would be unable to attend the festival for which the team had spent months training. But, with a pat on the back and a kick in the behind, the team took to the streets of Munich and seven took on the challenge of partying for the full eight.

The tour began on Day Zero at the Hofbrau Haus in Munich’s old town. When BTC entered the back beer garden their dampened spirits were lifted. An impromptu parade began as friendly revelers joined in a chorus of the few lyrics they knew to “Oh Canada” as the jersey-clad team filed through the garden drinking in the cheer. Day Zero resulted in friendships formed with new recruits from Winnipeg and injuries to Smiley and Hambone. Opening Day in the Hofbrau Festzelt saw Hambone claim the Chug King belt as he and Paulaner mounted the table before some 10,000 onlookers. What the tete-a-tete stein chug match lacked in speed it made up for in style as the beer hall erupted in praise – and even the Pesa (security) were lenient with the pair of Canucks for their efforts. Another day of Hofbrau was followed by a day-trip to the beautiful Nieuschwanstein Castle in the south of Bavaria. It was a tonic for the beleaguered drinking team made up of a vigorous hike and fresh air. Most would have packed it in after this full-day excursion, but not BTC. The day was capped off by a return to the Hofbrau tent and an after-fest dance-party at nearby Augustiner bar. Day four began with a terrorizing stint on a midway ride the boys dubbed “The Swinghammer”. This exhilarating and terrifying ride was made even more memorable by one of the crew exclaiming “Make it stop!” The final day of Oktoberfest for these Canucks was marked by a reunion of friends Dimitar and Mila from Bulgaria. The couple found BTC in their usual hangout and brought gifts of sandwiches and friendship. The day was punctuated with Paulaner’s half shiner obtained by ill-advisedly trying the ‘no hands’ trick on “The Taumbler,” a ride seemingly tame to the eye, but notorious for its long list of victims. The bruised imprint of the steel flooring was an especially lovely souvenir.

Follow this up with a few days of sunshine and R&R in Amsterdam, and you’ve got yourself a brief recap of the Oktoberfest 2006 pilgrimage. But it wouldn’t be like BTC to leave you with a mere snapshot of events. Nope. Stay tuned for a full Oktoberfest 2006 wrap-up in the Columns section soon to come. You’ll be treated to vids, photos and day-by-day recaps.

All-in-all a brilliant trip. Rookies T.Rent, Smiley and Dano did the team proud, and it should be mentioned for the record that Hambone’s role as team Medicine Man is secure. Not a single incident of the dreaded Hofbrauhead appears on the record thanks in large part to his bang-on medical supplement kits. The team did, however, come back with the terms: LARS, and it’s sister LARD. More to come on that in the weeks ahead.

Also: Stay tuned for the 2006 World RPS Championship wrap-up. BTC’s Ottawa Corps substitute matched Corbone’s record Round of 32 standing of ’04, and Paulaner finished 2nd in the “Street Style RPS” challenge. It’s a feat that garnered him nothing but the hollow knowledge that he fell one throw short of the $1,000 prize. Better luck next year, boys.

2006 – The 2nd Annual Beer Team Canada Games

Official Summary

August 14, 2006 (TORONTO) – Yes, this is VERY late coming. We apologize to those fans who have been unable to sleep soundly through the night, maintain their concentration at work and in general properly go about their life due to the lack of BTC Games details.

The Games, as per last year, were a massive, drunken success. This year saw the addition of some new events, slight modifications to the favs and was “graced” by some new members/participants. We also revisited the Paulaner family cottage (Thanks Sal and Mo) and were able to find it reasonably well after 3 straight years (ie. Paul’s caveman maps were not needed).
Da Highlights:

• Brian aka. Lubes, Luber, Greg Lubanis, B-Ryan etc. was a new participant tearing his way through all events. Expect great things from this man in future games.
• Paulaner, after an intensive training regime, entered the competition as the self-professed favourite and stayed true to his prophecy, demolishing most of the competition by the first day. May he enjoy his well deserved service, reign and glory as the BTC 2006 Champion!
• The “Chug-Clock” unveiling/inaugural run. The 1970’s Doctor Who, sci-fi, beer chug timing, freak device was a key tool in most events. Throwing off some competitors, but invaluable for instant results for time events. Long may the video camera be laid to rest. Brainchild of Balex and currently in a coma due to climatic damage, it will rise again.
• New events:
  • Pint Chug – simple and classic. Very close all a round.
  • All Terrain Challenge – absolutely a killer on the mind, body and stomach. Ie. Al’s miss fire at the finish and Smiley’s 5 min heave at the finish.
  • Others: Al vs Lubes at 2:00 AM for 3rd place, Corbones shocking Stein Chug win (WTF!), the team managing to hang the gitch target in less than 1/2 a day, Corbone finishing 2nd (The man is the nicest scary man ever), Al eating spiders, T-Rent, Smiley and Dano competing as full team members, T-Rent shaking and sucking at all of his best events, The “YARD”, Hambone sucking total ass, finishing dead last and whining that he was “under the weather”, Smiley puking at every event* etc. etc.

All had, it was a blast ladies and gentlemen – very, very much fun. Please remember, it will be guaranteed held again next year so …..**

Vid here

Hambone is sucks!
*PS: ok, maybe not every event
**PPS: book now! Save more! Reduce the chances of your partner saying no! have a goal! Know your training calendar! ETC! ETC!

Catch updates and speak your mind at the BTC Board.

March 20, 2006 – (Toronto) – The Beer Team Canada Winter Summit lived up to the fanfare. The first gathering of BTC since the ’05 BTC Games produced great beer sports, as well as the first official Beer Team planning summit.The main event was the 950ml shotgun showdown. Hambone pierced through the intimidation of the hulking can to be the only finisher posting the BTC record 950ml time of 12.62 Seconds. Balex was close behind, but prematurely deployed the vessel. The rest of the crew was utterly pathetic. Paulaner would have securely pulled up the rear on this event if not eclipsed by the efforts of Smiley in the late-night absentee session.

Other notables: Paulaner posted a record 355ml shotgun at 2.64 Seconds.

The Summit meeting was held at the home of Hambone. Highlights included the announcement of membership fee structures, BTC Games planning, discussions on BTC Jersey patches, and merchandising plans. So those of you looking to secure some BTC Merchandise, just hold on. Maybe this Christmas BTC will have something behind the counter for you!

One real highlight of the Summit was the Steam Whistle Brewery tour. “The Good Beer Folks” treated BTC to a private brewery tour. It’s unclear as to whether that was a) because it was the last tour of the day, or b) because BTC required ‘special’ supervision. In either case, the tour was awesome. Each of the BTC Members participated in the “Photo-booth Challenge.” Ask to see the photo album if you’re visiting the brewery sometime soon. You’ll find BTC’s Corbone and Paulaner just behind the record-holder, Cam (who is incidentally happens to own the brewery)..

Here’s a look at a few of the late-night cast during the second night of the Winter Summit. Looks like there will definitely be a 2007 edition. Perhaps one of the Ottawa Corps. will take on the hosting duties.

BTC Rides Again… RPS Styles!

October 23, 2005 (TORONTO) – The fine folks of Rock Paper Scissors asked, no begged, the BTC crew to participate in this year’s tournament. After careful deliberation, the team decided to shotgun a couple, suit up and thow it down. The night saw the unveiling of the new BTC jersey, the Toronto corps version for those on the team who still have their “testeeecallssss”.

The BTC boys did not go it alone kids, no…they were joined by the original and much loved BTC Beer Bunnies Victoria and Anna. Ladies who know table 58 like the back of their boyfriends ass. Dano was by far the strongest competitor of the evening, destroying all challengers in street style RPS throwdowns that left his opponents lying on the ground trying to work off their losses. A Canadian won the crown, volume was high, quality was low, women were kissed, rocks were thrown and beer was drunk. Rock on until 2006!

This is actually not a “tale” in any sense and only an exercise in visualizing shit. In light of the recent discussions in the forum on the proposed plans for a “summit” attempt come Oktoberfest 2006 I thought I’d put some ball park numbers to the 2004 expedition (my counts only, but I think all team members were pretty much going at the same pace and distance) and see what it looks like. I certainly know what it felt like…

Here is how I generated this info:

• Took rough guesses as to the start and end time and total steins consumed of each day. Obviously given (a) my level of intoxication (b) the regular prosits (cheers) with associated spillage and (c) macho optimism; these numbers are highly suspect. However, I think they are fairly accurate and are probably only off by a stein or two each day.
• Hofbrau steins are 1000ml at 5.8% alcohol
• Based on my age (30) body weight (180lbs) and height (5’10″)
• Used the Blood Alcohol Content Calculator found here. There were others but none allowed user defined volume and alcohol percentage.
• I used standard canadian beer bottles as the beer volume graphic as this image that is more recognized and probably effective in illustration consumption volumes. I divided the stein volume of 1000ml by 341ml to get the bottle counts based on my daily stein consumption

Notes:

• Canadian law specifies that the maximum allowable amount of alcohol in the bloodstream of a driver is 80 milligrams in 100 millilitres of blood — 80 mg% or .08.
• The little message displayed in the calculator when I put in the numbers for day 1 2 and 3 said “You should be dead by now!”. So…I’m not sure what that means….
• The site that provided this calculator had some assumptions

Hambone #8